The burden of ImmortalityIf my immortal heart wouldn’t waver with every sad predicament
I love this poem! I think I'm falling in love with your work, it's great. I like, especially, how the italic font comes off as more conversational, and commentary, as if it were spoken by the writer, and then the regular font proceeds as a train of thought. That's how I saw it, anyways.
I really like how you circumspect you are in the thought process, it really adds to the enjoyment of the piece. I also enjoyed the fresh metaphors, which I don't see so often, like "tooth of time" and "we become... anomaly", and the light personification of words as 'heavy' and 'light. Even though the personifications themselves weren't necessarily original, (the weight of words, heavy words, etc.), they weren't used carelessly, because it served the purpose of the piece by adding to the contemplative undertones and overtones. It helps to capture the insightful realization that, once time is no longer a boundary or factor, do things really matter quite as much? Does a word carry the same weight when, a century later, no-one will remember it? It's very well-done.
I give this one a perfect score. I feel like, often, in my critiques, I'm too easy on a piece, but I wasn't on this one; you really deserve it. Interesting idea, very original, magnificently done, and very impactful; I'll have to go through and re-read it sometime. Keep up the good work